Super Man always knew just what to do. He never made mistakes. Everybody liked him. He was a hero. A super hero. My boyland was filled with heroes. Batman, Spider Man, Super Man. The names and powers change with generations, but the core fact remains the same. Heroes, super and otherwise, can do anything, always do right, never doubt themselves, and everything always works out fine. Most of us - maybe all of us - flew around our neighborhood with towels tied around our necks - keeping things safe for Truth, Justice, and the American way.
Some of our fathers worked too much, argued too much, judged or criticized too much, yelled too much, hit too much, drank too much, talked too much, read too much, played golf or bowled too much, watched TV too much, or otherwise were unavailable. They didn't give their attention and time to their sons in ways that helped their boys learn to be healthy men. Some boys feared their fathers. Some hated their fathers. Some longed for their fathers. Some didn't know their fathers. In one way or another, many fathers were just not there. When they made mistakes, they blamed something or someone. Some fathers raged. Some pouted. Some withdrew. Some became anxious. Many never apologized - ever - for anything. I joke about this. If a man admits a mistake or apologizes his penis falls off. Thump!! Still, because they were our fathers they were our heroes, even when we did not wish them to be. Thump!!
When I was a small boy, I thought my parents were on the same level of cosmic organization as God. They knew everything. They knew what apples were called, and how to pet a cat, and how to get monsters out from under my bed. They taught me about the world. They knew everything. All children think their parents are gods, at least at first. Because children naturally confer godheadedness on their parents, parents have an awesome responsibility to teach the truth. Being a parent is an awesome responsibility. Like God.
I think there is a place in a boy's brain where only a hero-father can fit. If the hero-father that lodges in a boy's brain is a real, three dimensional man, capable of love and honor and truth and mistakes and feelings and triumph and failure and compassion and communication, the hero-father embedded in the boy's head helps the boy to grow into a real three dimensional man. If the hero-father knows how to stand and work and sit and play, the boy learns these things. If the hero-father knows how to admit, accept, and overcome mistakes, the boy learns that too. If the hero-father is a phony baloney, two dimensional, realer than life, perfect, faultless, needless, godheaded man, the boy grows up believing that aspects of his own humanity are faults. In his boy brain, he decides that to survive, he must learn to deny his humanity and reject his natural flaws. He learns that only by being a Superman can he be an acceptable man. Many sex addicts and other men started out this way. They rejected their humanity and so deepened their flaws. At the time it was the only way. Thump!!
Those sons of phony baloney godheaded fathers dress themselves up in phony baloney super hero man suits in their brains. First they pretend to themselves that they are super men. Then they pretend to other people the same. In time the pretending is forgotten and the real self is forgotten and only the phony baloney suit remains. The suit is padded with pointless muscles and painted with no nonsense attitude. Those boys live in their triumphant imaginations where they can best all comers and never doubt their truth, mission, or ability. This costume is protective gear for the injured boys inside who are, in fact, afraid, lonely, uncertain.
Remember Kryptonite? Kryptonite weakened Superman. It took away his super powers. It made him ordinary. It didn't bother anyone else. All the normal mortals could handle Kryptonite with no problem. They could sit on it and play catch with it and even eat it and they had no trouble. Sex addicts are like Superman. When active in the addiction, they need no one. They need only sex. And so they are vulnerable to the addiction. The addiction is like Kryptonite. The addiction saps strength and energy. It wastes your time and your life.
When you enter recovery and begin to become real men, you gradually lose that vulnerability. In time sex can be healthy and normal rather than all consuming. But boy brains are stubborn and it takes time to release the false myth of the super hero. This is why humility is important. Humility is real. Thump!!